I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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