I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize