I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
