He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
