Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
