we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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