i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
