I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize