Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
