I got chris browned last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
