Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
