im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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