Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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