dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
