Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
