so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize