Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
