She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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