Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
