if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
