i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
