saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
