What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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