My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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