it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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