At least make sure they are 18
Why
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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