No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found your dick twin last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
