every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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