The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mom said you looked used
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
