Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
