Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize