Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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