new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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