New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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