so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
