Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
