why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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