i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
