Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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