Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
