Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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