Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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