I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
