Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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