i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
operation have a gay friend backfired
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's shark week go big or go home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
