every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
