I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i dont even know how to be here
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
