you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
