She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
