When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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