Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
