Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
