It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
