I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
