I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
