her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize