Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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