My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
