You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
