my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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