I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
