My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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