So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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