Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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