toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
