omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
