his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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