I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
