they need to just BURY HIM!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
