Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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