Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
