He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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